Sentimientos Encontrados

Sentimientos encontrados. That's the Spanish way of saying, "mixed feelings." However, this is one of the many times that I have found the translation to fall short. The direct translation of "sentimientos encontrados" is "feelings that are against each other." I find this more suitable because "mixed feelings" implies that several feelings are coexisting. But what I am feeling hurts. Of course I am excited to return home...to the familiarity of my native country, culture, and language. I am looking forward to seeing friends and family and taking on the next phase of my life. That said, I am also leaving a big part of me here. And the polarization of these two sentiments is more than I could attempt to articulate.

It is my last day in Chile. I am sitting in the courtyard of a hostel in Santiago, the same hostel that I stayed at when I first arrived. It certainly seems appropriate that this is the spot where I will write my last blog entry. Reflecting back on my past few months that I have spent in this country is, to say the least, overwhelming. Upon arriving, I had planned to utilize my time here to focus on personal growth, contributing to a worthwhile cause, and improving my Spanish. By immersing myself in a foreign culture,  teaching English, and exploring the sites, I had hoped to accomplish my goals. The end results were indeed achieved, although through different means. In my final weeks here, it was blatant that by far, the relationships that were forged here far superseded all other aspects of my Chilean adventure. 

People matter. And these people matter a lot to me. Before I embarked for South of the Equator, if someone were to have asked me if I would like to return to Chile again one day, my answer would have been a flat "No." Simply put, if I were lucky enough to have the opportunity to travel again, why would I waste it on a place and a culture that I am already familiar with? Nepal was a wonderful country with breathtaking views and a beautiful culture. Would I go back? Probably not. There are uncharted lands yet to be discovered! I'd opt to trade out my ticket for a trip to Greece, or Tanzania, or Australia! Here and now, ask me the same question about Chile. Would I go back? In a heartbeat. 

What is the difference between Nepal and Chile? Again, it's the people. Granted, it helped that I could communicate with my host family this time around (Gesturing doesn't count.). Although the time that I have spent here was relatively short in the grand scheme of things, it was more than enough for me to become part of a family. My host sister Ivanna is one of the most special people that I have ever had the pleasure to meet. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I am honored to have lived and shared with such exceptional people. For this reason, I hope and plan to one day return again to see my Chilean family. Not next year, probably not in five years, and perhaps not even in ten. But when I do make it back again, they will be waiting with open arms, doble besitos, and (most likely) a mountain of food. And I will be one happy Gringa.

So there you have it. My year of post-graduation (productive?) procrastination has come to an end. I have surfaced a much more grateful, (arguably) wiser, and significantly poorer, still unemployed post-graduate. Time for the next chapter to begin. Thanks for all of your love and support throughout all of my globe-trotting. And most of all, thanks for reading!

Con amor, 

Kelsey